Facing social infertility, fertile conversations

Although technological advances have allowed more people struggling with infertility to conceive, the conversation around fertility hasn't moved much. On June 29th, Fertilidad Integral became a space open to the voices and experiences of people who have approached fertility from the most diverse fields. As a clinic, our goal is to make assisted reproduction a more human process, to find ways to raise awareness, and to put an end to social infertility. We know that words have the power to transform entire landscapes, and that is why we wanted to start paving the way toward information and support through this [fertile] conversation. In these pages, you will find a summary of the most interesting ideas shared at the forum. María Altschuler, CEO of Fertilidad Integral, opened the conversation by pointing out the lack of spaces and moments to talk about those women, men, and couples who have decided not to have children, who are undergoing fertility treatment in silence, or who cannot freeze their eggs without fear of being judged by society for their decisions. The speakers who engaged with her—working in fields ranging from psychology, gynecology, and law to communication, comedy, and literature—demonstrated that although fertility involves us all, it is still discussed in whispers. The experience lived by Marina Armendares, a psychologist and coach, during her in vitro procedure reminded us that one of the main consequences of social infertility is that those undergoing fertility treatment do not find spaces to be vulnerable and share both ideas and questions. Her professional experience has allowed her to have a holistic understanding of the human being, and she recognizes that—within psychological therapy—topics related to fertility are a constant. "The reason they come to therapy is because there are no other spaces to talk about this," says Marina. From a legal perspective, Melissa Ayala—who is responsible for ensuring the exercise of women's reproductive rights—knows that there is still a long way to go so that women who decide not to be mothers, those who are young mothers, those who terminate an unwanted pregnancy, and those who—pursuing their professional dreams—decide to freeze their eggs stop being judged and can exercise their reproduction with freedom, without the need to hide. For Cynthia Dickter, social infertility is a topic that has challenged her in her professional practice as a gynecologist and in her personal life. "I was the gynecologist who couldn't have children [...] I wanted to tell my happy ending, but I had many losses, many difficulties," says Cynthia. She reminds us, through her experience, that no one has to go through this process in solitude and silence, and that it is okay to ask for help. Thus, her medical approach advocates for information, to let the women who pass through her clinic know that there are always options. From the world of acting and comedy, but even more importantly, from the perspective of masculinity, Diego Alfaro took a stand against the violent idea that "being a man" is synonymous with "being fertile." He pointed out that, among men, there is an abundance of ignorance regarding what fertility means. In the male imagination, it still seems to be a definitive fact that if someone is infertile within a relationship, that "someone" is a woman. Diego knows that to end social infertility, to dismantle the myths built by the patriarchy, and to ensure that a semen analysis is performed with the same naturalness as a cholesterol test, we must start talking and, above all, listening. Isabel Zapata, author of In Vitro, echoed Diego's words to narrate her own experience: "My gynecologist immediately assumed that I was the one with the problem. When arriving at the clinic, doctors assume that it is we who are infertile." Furthermore, she shared the shame she felt when talking about the subject. She thought that this was not a topic that should be shared, that what is lived in private should be kept in private. She recognizes that the result of that silence was loneliness, isolation, and suffering. "Finding stories of people who tried and succeeded is difficult. Finding stories of those who didn't succeed is impossible," she says. From the perspective of communication, Gina Jaramillo recognizes that the media has an immense debt to this topic. She thinks that, since we have such fundamental conversations as menstruation, we have learned to be silent and to hide what our bodies go through. Perhaps if the movies, television shows, and series we consume talked about fertility as a topic that should interest us all, we would be closer to ending social infertility. This conversation reminds us that, although there is still a long way to go, opening spaces for dialogue is the first step to combat social infertility. Because, as our speakers demonstrate, fertility is a matter that is present in all areas of life, in all bodies, in all stories. We are grateful for the courage of each one of them to tell experiences that remind us that we are not alone.