Fertility treatments in the words of those who have lived them

While there is more and more information available about the various fertility treatments that exist, their effects, and their implications, the truth is that the thought of going through one can be terrifying. This is largely because the information we have access to tends to be scientific or statistical, rather than experiential or human. Perhaps the scarcity of testimonials is due to the many taboos that have been built around infertility and, for that same reason, many people live through their treatments in silence. But we know that there is no pain greater than that which is kept quiet, and that real testimonials can be the antidote to fear.

Perhaps hearing the experience of those who have gone through a fertility treatment is a way to remind yourself that you are not alone in this, and that behind all that information about hormones, numbers, and probabilities, there are human beings who feel. Sharing this life experience with others can make it more bearable, loving, and compassionate. Although we know that everyone who undergoes fertility treatment does so in very different ways, we have gathered here the testimonials of some women whose voices inspire us to believe in the value of words, support networks, and informed guidance.

Story 1

After 5 years of marriage, Marcela and María decided it was time to grow their family. Hopes were low; in their first visits to different clinics, doctors told them it was almost certain that María would never be able to get pregnant. The treatment they received was even more discouraging: upon leaving the office, Marcela and María didn't know if their concerns were childish or if wanting to be mothers was similar to buying a vacation package.

Arriving at Fertilidad Integral was the birth of a new hope. "For the first time, they told me I was a candidate," says María. They started with an ovarian stimulation treatment. The goal was to retrieve 12 eggs; they got 14 from Marcela, 13 of which were fertilized. The ROPA method opened up the possibility of implanting Marcela's eggs into María's uterus. And, in their words, "that's when our roller coaster began."

The retrieval was in December, and they went on vacation. On New Year's Eve, they received the news: no embryo had the necessary characteristics to be transferred. Although they were never afraid to share their journey with the world, they felt embarrassed to have to say that their attempts hadn't been successful, to have to repeat the bad news over and over. Psychological support was essential to remind them that there were still options for them, and that losing a battle is not the same as losing the war. "You think everything is amazing, and suddenly you're down. But that doesn't stop you from trying again, and from continuing to hope," says Marcela.

In the midst of questions like "is what we're doing normal?" and "should we stop trying?", just when the situation seemed most hopeless, an embryo donor appeared. "I'm going to be the oven for a baby that is completely ours. It's ours because we want it, not because genetics say so," says María. Today, we still don't know if this embryo will find its home in María's uterus, but both know that the possibilities are infinite and that paths are never closed. When recounting their experience, they agree that mutual companionship has been essential to keep their spirits up and to keep reminding each other that they are on the right path. After all, as Marcela reminds us, "You shouldn't keep anything bottled up. Knots in the throat stay as knots."

Story 2

At 38, Meghan began to wonder if, as a single woman, being a mother was a possibility for her. After a gynecological check-up, she discovered that there were cysts growing inside her. She felt that the paths to motherhood were closing one by one in front of her. Her age made her feel guilty about the situation she found herself in; she thought that if her egg quality turned out to be unfavorable, it was because of her ambition to build her career and fulfill her dreams before becoming a mother. For a strong woman, suddenly feeling that she can't handle everything seems devastating.

Her procedure involved sperm donation and in vitro fertilization. Remembering and saying it out loud is enough to move her: "There is something sensitive about doing this without a partner. You have a donor, but it's not your partner. There are no words; society doesn't have names for this. There is mom and dad." However, she emphasizes how important it was for her to share her process, build a support network among women, and read the experiences of others who had gone through the same thing.

On her journey, Meghan got to know herself better than ever. "I can't believe how little we are taught in school and how little we know our own bodies," she reflects. In conversation with doctors and her friends, she found a refuge and a place where she knew she was welcome. Today, as her baby is about to turn one, Meghan thinks there is nothing greater than feeling included and considered, knowing that your decisions are valid, and reminding yourself that there are always options.

Story 3

"Your biological clock is ticking." This phrase, which Sofía heard from so many people close to her, turned the expectation of having to be a mother into a pressure that was increasingly difficult to manage, as she felt that at 28 and without a stable partner, her "fertile years" were slipping through her fingers. Curiosity led her to take an anti-Müllerian hormone test to measure her hormone levels; it came back low. "What if I freeze them?", "Is freezing only for older women?", "Am I missing out?", were some of the questions that crossed her mind. She answered herself and then changed the narrative: no, freezing is taking the reins of your life. "It's a smart decision. If you pay for car insurance and save for your future, why not do it?"

Deciding was, for Sofía, a revolutionary act. To decide, she had to inform herself; she had to remember that it is valid not to decide today for your future self. Thus, she understood that her uncertainty came from the taboo surrounding egg freezing; if it were a normalized situation, it wouldn't have been so painful for her to experience and share. But the only way to change this is by talking: talking about how, beyond being a physical procedure, it is a journey full of emotions, ups and downs, learning, and transformation. Sofía thinks that freezing eggs is rethinking motherhood to combat those social agreements that dictate to us how and when a woman should be a mother. "Is your biological clock ticking? You can hit the brakes!"

The testimonials that appear here remind us that everyone who goes through a fertility treatment does so in a different way, and although we know we cannot encompass all experiences and feelings, we believe that this act of sharing can invite others to speak up, to say that something hurts, to confess that it is not easy to stop being afraid. We thank these women for gifting us a bit of their lives to share, for making it possible for there to be more and more spaces to have fertile conversations.